January 2012
11 posts
Jan 26th
Jan 26th
Jan 20th
3,545 notes
Jan 17th
78,182 notes
Jan 12th
1 note
Jan 11th
421 notes
3 tags
Jan 11th
Jan 5th
6 notes
Jan 4th
What I Took Away: "Merchants of Doubt" by Naomi... →
I finished a book on an airplane, here are my thoughts. tookaway: I decided to read Merchants of Doubt initially because it pertained to my ongoing fascination with public relations and my desire to write a fake PR textbook and build WorldGlobalPR.com (a fake PR site). Last year, during the oil spill and my fascination with BP and their PR spin, I kept…
Jan 3rd
3 notes
Read your poem dickface. @joehartzler
Jan 3rd
December 2011
21 posts
If y’all wanna pee on some ice get over to the Public House NOW.
Dec 31st
Step 1: Open a yelp account under the username “POOPFOOD” Step 2: review everything with “They put poop in my food!” Step 3: Give 5 stars
Dec 30th
1 note
Just once I wish my dad would ask for something besides a bubble bath for Christmas.
Dec 23rd
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m definitely a better actor than Aaron Rodgers. #perspective #masters
Dec 21st
Linked In is a great service for sending a constant stream of pointless reminders about nothing to people you hope to impress.
Dec 20th
Good thing porn doesn’t have pre-rolls, or I’d HATE Coke Zero.
Dec 17th
FYI, my testicles are named Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
Dec 17th
Dec 13th
482 notes
Dec 13th
Praying about football = closing your eyes, making a wish to no one and having zero perspective.
Dec 13th
Dec 13th
Dec 13th
3 notes
I paid five dollars, I downloaded @louisck’s new stand up special, I watched it and I laughed. You should too!
Dec 11th
Sad I couldn’t make it to @funnyordie’s 3rd annual “See we do have money, we just don’t give it to actors, crew or employees” party.
Dec 10th
“That’s what she said.” - A schizophrenic.
Dec 10th
This bathroom smells like pizza. Either that or my favorite food is shit.
Dec 9th
My iPhone autocorrects gaggles to gaggles.
Dec 8th
Would you rather: a) have sex with a buffalo b) have sex with someone from Buffalo?
Dec 7th
“7th Grade: The Musical” was accepted into SF Sketchfest! Looks like I’ll be spending my birthday in San Francisco!
Dec 4th
Here’s to a great @TeamCoco Live show! @dubouchet @croninwhocares @thebirthdayboys @m_proksch @eddiepepitone @TheRealLaBamba @BigBley killed
Dec 3rd
Get tickets to Team Coco Live @UCBTLA here: http://t.co/S3Ym5rvE
Dec 2nd
November 2011
9 posts
Turkeys remind me of fat aunts.
Nov 30th
I’m thankful I’m not a turtle.
Nov 25th
“I don’t agree with her politics, but that Lady Gaga sure can sing!” - @joehartzler
Nov 23rd
Fun fact: Uranus was originally called Urasshole.
Nov 19th
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is obviously an alcoholic.
Nov 18th
As it turns out, the best way to sabotage a GOP candidate is to hand him/her a microphone.
Nov 11th
1 note
Heavy D makes 3. Breathe easy, Ms. Lohan.
Nov 9th
Thanks to @Amtrak for being 40 minutes behind and making me late to the packer game. You failed at the thing you do. Congrats!
Nov 7th
Nov 6th
124 notes
October 2011
13 posts
You wore it well. RT @whithertford: sometimes at work you have to wear a full body latex suit http://t.co/rrUjD8OO
Oct 20th
Just got off the phone with my mom. Couldn’t tell if she asked if I was “half-hearted” or if i half farted. Either way she’s right.
Oct 18th
Pro tip: If you’re going to be late for work, bring balloons.
Oct 17th
Dressed up like a rabbit and got hit in the dick with a baseball bat by the the girl from “Chuck” for work. I HAVE NOT made it.
Oct 15th
Really regretting that door thing.
Oct 13th
.@annmarietv - cool, where can I download some of Uncle Mike’s stuff? #favoriteraper
Oct 11th
Q: What do beards and conversations have in common? A: I like to keep ‘em light.
Oct 9th
“Hey, check out sketch cram la tonight! #stupidtweet ” - @jenniepie http://t.co/wCIEHnYH
Oct 9th
It really puts things in perspective when Chaz Bono has a better beard than you
Oct 7th