January 2012
11 posts
3 tags
What I Took Away: "Merchants of Doubt" by Naomi... →
I finished a book on an airplane, here are my thoughts.
tookaway:
I decided to read Merchants of Doubt initially because it pertained to my ongoing fascination with public relations and my desire to write a fake PR textbook and build WorldGlobalPR.com (a fake PR site). Last year, during the oil spill and my fascination with BP and their PR spin, I kept…
Read your poem dickface. @joehartzler
December 2011
21 posts
If y’all wanna pee on some ice get over to the Public House NOW.
Step 1: Open a yelp account under the username “POOPFOOD” Step 2: review everything with “They put poop in my food!” Step 3: Give 5 stars
Just once I wish my dad would ask for something besides a bubble bath for Christmas.
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m definitely a better actor than Aaron Rodgers. #perspective #masters
Linked In is a great service for sending a constant stream of pointless reminders about nothing to people you hope to impress.
Good thing porn doesn’t have pre-rolls, or I’d HATE Coke Zero.
FYI, my testicles are named Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
Praying about football = closing your eyes, making a wish to no one and having zero perspective.
I paid five dollars, I downloaded @louisck’s new stand up special, I watched it and I laughed. You should too!
Sad I couldn’t make it to @funnyordie’s 3rd annual “See we do have money, we just don’t give it to actors, crew or employees” party.
“That’s what she said.” - A schizophrenic.
This bathroom smells like pizza. Either that or my favorite food is shit.
My iPhone autocorrects gaggles to gaggles.
Would you rather: a) have sex with a buffalo b) have sex with someone from Buffalo?
“7th Grade: The Musical” was accepted into SF Sketchfest! Looks like I’ll be spending my birthday in San Francisco!
Here’s to a great @TeamCoco Live show! @dubouchet @croninwhocares @thebirthdayboys @m_proksch @eddiepepitone @TheRealLaBamba @BigBley killed
Get tickets to Team Coco Live @UCBTLA here: http://t.co/S3Ym5rvE
November 2011
9 posts
Turkeys remind me of fat aunts.
I’m thankful I’m not a turtle.
“I don’t agree with her politics, but that Lady Gaga sure can sing!” - @joehartzler
Fun fact: Uranus was originally called Urasshole.
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is obviously an alcoholic.
As it turns out, the best way to sabotage a GOP candidate is to hand him/her a microphone.
Heavy D makes 3. Breathe easy, Ms. Lohan.
Thanks to @Amtrak for being 40 minutes behind and making me late to the packer game. You failed at the thing you do. Congrats!
October 2011
13 posts
You wore it well. RT @whithertford: sometimes at work you have to wear a full body latex suit http://t.co/rrUjD8OO
Just got off the phone with my mom. Couldn’t tell if she asked if I was “half-hearted” or if i half farted. Either way she’s right.
Pro tip: If you’re going to be late for work, bring balloons.
Dressed up like a rabbit and got hit in the dick with a baseball bat by the the girl from “Chuck” for work. I HAVE NOT made it.
Really regretting that door thing.
.@annmarietv - cool, where can I download some of Uncle Mike’s stuff? #favoriteraper
Q: What do beards and conversations have in common? A: I like to keep ‘em light.
“Hey, check out sketch cram la tonight! #stupidtweet ” - @jenniepie http://t.co/wCIEHnYH
It really puts things in perspective when Chaz Bono has a better beard than you